My “what-have-i-done” Moment

Before I start talking (or blogging..) non-stop, let me tell you my definition of my “what-have-i-done” moment..

Imagine this.. you’re lack of sleep for days, physically exhausted from all things, caffeine-deprived, one child is crying and screaming, pulling your shirt, the other one screaming for milk, you haven’t bathe, haven’t check your twitter timeline for hours (ok, that is unnecessary but i love to read my twitter timeline!) and all you want to do is just rest preferably in a quiet environment which is almost impossible!!
Admit it, you have had that moment before.. me and my husband, we call it a “what-have-i-done” moment! Haha..
I’m just a human. I’m not perfect, I love my children to bits but still I had my breakdown occasionally especially when I’m super exhausted. It’s ok to feel like that. It’s acceptable and only temporary. We are not angels. As long as we know how to manage it. It should be fine.
Knowing the triggering factor helps your a lot in managing your breakdown. At least you can try to avoid. Another important thing is to let your other half know. My husband, he’s my partner-in-crime (well, we’re not exactly committing a crime here but literally..)ย My husband has been a great support to me. He knows when I started to look like zombie walking around the house, he will take charge of the children and let me rest. And I do the same for him too.
Sometimes when he’s not around, what I do is I just go somewhere quiet. Usually that will be the toilet! Hahaha… Close my eyes, take deep breath in and out until I feel better, then I switched back to my mommy mode.
If deep breathing doesn’t work.. retail therapy will definitely helps!! They didn’t call it retail therapy for no reason!! Expect parcels to arrive in the next few days ๐Ÿ˜€
Another option that I do to reduce stress is exercise. I knew the fact that exercise will release endorphin, that is the hormone that makes you feel happy. But I only put up to practice recently. It really makes you feel good about yourself and happy in general.
Or, you can also blog about it and let the whole world know!!
Whatever they do, despite all the crying and sleepless night and screaming and the demands driving me crazy.. my children are my life! I know my “what-have-I-done” moment is just temporary.. it will go away! But my children are forever! And yes, 10 children is still in the plan ๐Ÿ˜€
My respect goes to all stay-at-home-mom out there. They are just amazing doing same routine day in and day out (and no lunch break, no weekends off, no overtime claim). I’m a type of person who needs to work to become a better mom. I’m telling you being a stay-at-home-mom is much more demanding than being a doctor!!
But as for now, I’m just gonna enjoy my leave while I can..

71 thoughts on “My “what-have-i-done” Moment

  1. comeiiiii! adik copy paste muka kakak dah!
    anyway, i feel you doctor ๐Ÿ™‚ i have 2 toddlers and sometimes i always want to pretend fengsan for a second hihi

  2. princess nowadays..kuat mengamuk la..pening pala..kdg2 tertengking dia..asik2 nangis..nk ape smua nangis..age dh mcm nak rotan je..stressssssssss…

    1. setuju! hahaha… lagi2 tgh sarat ni…lagi rasa nk marah sbb badan dah tak larat…nak kejar tak boleh, nak dukung tak boleh…nak layan main tak boleh..tu yg jd lagi nak marah bila anak buat perangai.

  3. So strong to endure the challenges of being a mommy..Doc,maybe blh share pgalaman n ilmu, or mtk pdpt dgn doc2 lain y mlalui khidupan y sama like u did..Go,go dr.halina..

  4. Dr Halina, i pun slalu mcm zombie. im full time housewife + full time employee ( bukan bisnes sendiri). so, sgt sgt challenging. anak i baru srg, dah mcm zombie. hehe. anyway, whatever it is, nothing beats the satisfaction seeing our kids growing up and dia org jugakla penawar masa kite stress kan. keep writing, i love reading ur blog and watch ur keek. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. huhu…i feel u!!! imagine 2 boys (6, 4) and a 1 year old daughter. the whole family down with urti and the 1st year exam is less than 15 days!!!!

  6. biarkan anak menangis sekejap tidak akan memudaratkan..plg penting jgn biarkan diri dalam keadaan marah or stress semasa menguruskan anak2..bayangkan my 4m++ twins tgh meraung nak menyusu while yg 3yo tu juga dah panggil ‘mommy..mommy..i want to pee…’ *pengsan*

  7. I find solitude while showering. Usually my hubby will take care of the baby while I take my own sweet time showering. Anak baru sorang, dah terkedek-kedek, cane nak handle lagi 6? Hahaha

    On another note, can you write about vaccinating your babies? Sebab sekarang kan tengah hot issue vaccine vs. tak vaccine ni. I got confused. So perhaps you can share your view on this?

  8. i’m just stress dis morning…y??? handling 2 toddlers utk mkn ubat…yg kakak 3yrs since discharge from hospital takutkan kena ubat masuk bontot jd ble sy ckp kalau xnk mkn ubat nant ummi masukkn ubat bontot..trus mkn ubat tanpa takut n skang siap minta ubat sendiri…yela batuk n selsema bkn sng nk baik…still on medication lg…yg si kecik br sethn cukup seksa nk bg mkn ubat, yela dia xpham lg kalau kte explain ni ubat, n kenapa perlu mkn ubat..jd mmg agak stress…kot2 doc blh share camane nk handle bg ubat kat anak coz yg 2nd ni even da pegang tangan n mulut tetap luehkn ubat dr mulut…xnk telan…sy risau coz dia da 2 minggu batuk n selsema lg…skang ni tiap2 mlm sy pasang minyak Eucalyptus n hope ada membantu….mmg slalu anak2 ni blh buatkn darah ni naik tp pas marah mest peluk dieorg balik coz bkn sng nk dapatkn dieorg dl…time pregnant mabuk teruk, nk brsalin trlalu lama tahan sakit di labour room…but i’m still like u planning for football team….huhu

    1. Salam Norazuin,

      Boleh saya tanya macam mana penggunaan minyak Eucalyptus? Sesuai ke untuk kanak-kanak 2yrs n above? Tq.

  9. Dr, this entry is very very true. While Im experiencing the same thing. Luckily Hubby understand and very helpful. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Being a Mom makes me love my parents more and more.

  10. Sama! My boys drive me crazy but I love them no less. They are my life.
    Decluttering is a therapy for me. Rasa tenang bila dah kemas/throw/donate stuff. But yeah, nothing beats the bathroom hideout.

  11. hahahaha,,,sama la kite doc. my first son only 2yo and my dote 6mth..sgt2 super dupper bz and sometimes sgt2 stress.sejak have 2kids ni saya tak pernah dapat mandi more than 10minute..hehehe.kadang2 tgh2 shampoo rambut pon boleh lari keluar toilet sekejap.but INSYALLAH segala kita dah cuba jaga amanat ALLAH yg diberi dgn sebaik nya..

  12. hi doc, walk like a zombie…hahaa… anyway, saya juga ada 2 anak msg2 umo 4 thn dan 1 thn, mmg pening kalau 2-2 dh mintak dukung, kadang2 rebut brg mainan…apapun pabila kita sunyi, mmg rindu juga dengan karenah mereka…. yes, children are forever and they are gift from from above. by the way, go..go..for 8 more to go, and Tasha pun dah nampak berisi, cute la…..

  13. salam doc…what u share is really truth..i solute those housewife not really easy to be housewife or more to say housemom…hehehe u have to really well prepared mentally and physically…doc would like to ask u how u manage both of them to sleep especially bella on day 10 months old baby refused to sleep day time she will just sleep about half and hour on day time…while at night she will sleep at 10pm but early in morning about 6.30 she will wake up…hahaha i feel stress too coz they say baby sleeping time is our ‘me time’ but if she refused to sleep i don have any ‘me time’ hahaha..likely i’m working while i can really enjoy on my break time that is take a deep breath have a nap…

  14. me having the same “what have i done” moments too!! ESPECIALLY when i’m post-call :’) retail therapy is simply the best medicine. thanks to online shopping! heheh

  15. salam ros,

    saya pakai lampeberger…dl sy ada masuk biz ni jd sy ada byk minyak yg blh digunakan.jd eucalyptus salah satu minyak untuk hilangkan selsema @ resdung…yg sy tahula…jd minyak tu masukkan dlm lampeberger tu pastu nyalakan api kat sumbu dia then padam pastu asap dia tu yg brfungsi utk hilangkn selsema..stakat ni ada stok ni sy pakai ar..nant da abis xtau camane coz da xjoin biz ni lg…hehe…lgpn minyaknye expensive dlm rm250 sebtol…:)

  16. Susah nak baca Dr pnya entry pjg2 like this. u must be on your high level of ‘berchinta’ ngan two girls comel tu kan =)..insyaallah, besar pahalanya peranan ibu.mummy is always no.1.Sampaikan ad 1 hadis riwayat daripada Abu Hurairah ra katanya: โ€œSeorang lelaki datang kepada Nabi saw lalu berkata: โ€œSiapa yang paling berhak untuk aku melakukan ihsan dalam persahabatan dengannya?โ€ Nabi saw menjawab: โ€œIbu kamu.โ€ Kemudian siapa lagi? Nabi menjawab: โ€œIbu kamu.โ€ Kemudian siapa lagi? Nabi menjawab: โ€œIbu kamu.โ€ Kemudian siapa lagi? Nabi menjawab: โ€œBapa kamu.โ€. Insyaallah Dr,enjoy your motherhood life.

  17. well said doc. very true indeed..being house mom is not easy in fact i dont think i can go thru it. me also still in confinement 39 today..having little one and struggling with two eldest almost driving me nuts everyday. sometimes feel like running away or hide somewhere for a week. my second girl 5 y.o but still i feel like having so many infant in d house..thanks a lot to my husband who helped a lot when hes around.i guess suport from spouse does help eventho he prob not around all time…

  18. Tasya dah sebiji muka bella..cute.. jadi mommy kena banyak bersabar..kita himpun pahala banyak2 sebagai mommy untuk anak.. doc letak byk lg gambar tasya dan bella rindu..

  19. doc, u r not alone, we are human right..we have feelings too, there are up n down moments…all we can do is…get used to it…;)

  20. Hi doc, thanks for such a good blog! Despite of being 17 there’s something about this blog that keeps me coming back (that’s why I call it my guilty pleasure hehe). Anyhow you’re such a strong mommy and thanks a lot for the inspiration ๐Ÿ™‚

  21. Every mama feels that way. Sometimes I need a mute button for all the hectic days. perhaps, Doraemon’s pintu sesuka hati is very helpful at this moment. Well doc, I think you just need a therapy. ‘ Handbag shopping!!!’ Lol.

  22. yup i also prefer to be a working mother to be a better mom…
    Being a housemom after working hours, weekend & public holiday….(exhausted & sometime can be walking zombie also…hahaha)
    congrats & solute to fully housewife (housemom)…i wonder how do u motivate urself…
    (i always know that raising child is one of the best moment in my life…thank to Allah for every precious moment…alhamdulillah)

  23. yeap, enjoy the full moments with your kids doc. time ni la ambik video byk byk n gambar dia org, pastu upload. really love seeing them. my son pun dok enjoy skali tengok video ur daughters. i dulu kerja , and bila dah jd housemom, seriously berganda ganda rasa penatnya. some more, i still buat kerja yg sama , bezanya dr rumah je. so, double job. kerja housemom buat, kerja opis pun buat. so, nak release tension baca blog doc n tengok keek yg mmg blh buat tersenyum.hehe

  24. i have 8 adorable kids last time, as time goes by no more kids but they are teenagers now and i miss all the past kids moment and do love them all,, 4 of them are studying away and the rest at boarding school,,masa depa kecik2, I always fening, kerja lagi , hubby sibuk kat bank, oh dear!, bila diingatkan macam magic pulak cause i become superwomen at once time,,

  25. i’m 46 (stay at home mom) with 2 boys (11 & 7) and a 5 yr old girl. when they gang up and play satu rumah jadi haru biru. at times i jd angin satu badan. i’m always concerned if i’m stressed will my blood pressure increase or not (age factor). when i took out the home bp monitor to check the bp my kids will immediately stop playing sebab nak take turn pressing the start button on the monitor. alhamdullilah the readings are always good and for the next half an hour the kids diam sekejap.

  26. doc Halina, Its very normal. After my 3rd child, I had a breakdown which require doctor’s intervention. I was lucky to surrounded and supported by immediate family. My “what have I done moment” would be the times when I have my to send 1 child 50 km the opposite end from the other child. House tunggang langgang, food not ready and deprive of sleep and food and I have to travel a total of 150 km a day. There are times, when I actually cried and wishing I was back working at a 8-5 job. But there is no greater satisfaction than managing and taking care of our own children, hearing their first word, seeing their first step. Until now, I hardly have enough sleep as I have still have one super boisterous 4+ years old. There are times,reflecting back on the old days when the 4 older ones were like anak tangga, I often asked myself “how did i manage” since encik H was away for an entire month at times. Well, I suppose our response is ad hoc…Goodluck to you and enjoy this moment, There will be time when they reach their teens, they won’t like to be kissed and hugged anymore.

  27. yaya.. i can feel what u feel doc.. even i’m not married yet but i have a few niece .. stay together and i need to look after them…
    penat snagt… i dont know if i’m their mom… menakutkan haha.. ๐Ÿ™‚

  28. assalamualaikum semua mommy-mommy here…i’m not married yet but i love to read this blog. Sometimes after reading the blog i feel like to get married. haha..berbalik to cerita anak tak sihat, saya sgt cadangkan mommy untuk cuba Madu Ajaib. Ajaib sebab pakej All in One makanan sunnah Rasulullah. I love to share about Madu Ajaib cz most of the customers bagi feedback Madu Ajaib sangat membantu, not only for the children but kita sendiri kadang-kadang yg kurang sihat. Boleh contact as, 0142297656 for more info. TQ =)

  29. True..I love this entry so much! Yea sebagai ibu memang tak dinafikan adakala perkara sebegini tak dapat dielakkan. As u said we are not angels. Kadang-kadang saya pun macam tu jugak, penat balik kerja, melayan 2 anak (nak masuk 3 pun), dengan macam2 karenah, kita memang perlukan support dari suami or at least need our own peace time…:) Sometimes, kalau i tension sangat, i nangis je dr, nangis melepaskan apa yang saya rasa (sometimes with no reason pun) or take a bath…But truely dengan life macam ni, saya bangga sebab sebagai ibu kita multitasking, dan saya enjoy menjadi ibu pada anak-anak saya!!

  30. every mummy should spend the happiest and hardest moment with their kids and will never forget that moment, I love them all and missed that moment ,,

  31. Out of topic, but boleh tak saya nk minta pandangan doc ttg isu immunisation/vaksin? Perlu atau tidak kita meng’vaksin’ anak2 kita? Adakah bella dan tasya juga menjalani rutin immunisation mereka? Saya dlm dilema dan mahukan yg terbaik utk anak2. Thanks in advance.

  32. ๐Ÿ™‚ i love to read your writing, dr halina. although i’m not a mom, just a 20-year-old student, hihi… the is still become one of my favourite blog to read. i get a lot of a mom’s experience. and it’s very useful to me when i become a mother soon. hehhe… btw dr halina, sy suka sgt baju baby tasha. sbb tutup kaki. look cute n comfortable. n it has a lot of button. yaa! it’s great. i think i want to buy it as a gift to my sister – to my future niece/nephew ๐Ÿ˜€ so, may i know where i can get it? what’s the brand?

  33. Yup we r in the same boat. Got two daughters, age 19months&4months. The difference is that i opt to be a fulltime housewife after
    gave birth to my first daughter. My husband working nature pulak is 4days away,2days at home..its really tiring handling them, i always think of working so that i can have at least 1hour lunch time per day..AT LEAST. Hahaha..

  34. my bb 4 month , kadang2 memang stress juga walaupun baru 1 anak ,,macam serik sudah ..tapi bila nampak pic bella n tasha , rasa mahu lagi tambah 1 , hahahaha , yes ,i also love my bb so much ..

  35. thanks,DR Halina..diatas pnghargaan kpd full time mommy n wife (stay at home mom) me. sgt mncabar minda & tentunya kesabaran. I’m mother of 3 childs..sangat tak cukup rehat,tak cukup masa untuk memanjakan diri sendiri. even tgh sakit(demam teruk ) skalipun still have to wake up to do the daily routine..ooohhh…tp kasih ibu itu tiada tolok bandingnye kn? walau stress mcamana skalipun..sayang thadap anak2 tak pernah berkurangan.Biarlah kurang rehat, biarlah sesusah mana pun nk mbesarkn sebagai ibu kita mestilah menjadi SUPERMOM!!

  36. mmg penat and stress la dgn ank2 yg tengah membesar ni…sampaikn kadang2 pening dibuatnya….tapi seronok la tgk ank2 membesar dpn mata ni…

  37. wahhh, its really amazing and amazed me ! be strong Dr. its just only for while ~~ but i love the last sentence . ’10 children is still in the plan’, good luck Dr.

  38. I run to the bathroom for peace and solitude too! But for me being a stay at home mother is so much more calm and settled than having to rush to the office in the morning with the little one and coming home to a pile of house chores. But I only have one at the moment hi hi hi
    It pays of to have such adorable girls to call your own ๐Ÿ™‚


  39. Semua ibu di dunia pasti melalui kehidupan yg sama mcm u doc. Halina….but…cara masing masing kerana anak mempunyai karenah yg berbeza beza….

  40. True.. I feel you dr Halina.. I am experiencing the same thing. I am a working mother, blessed with a toddler, 2++years old and a baby who just reached 9 months old! I had my breakdown too. Once I had my breakdown, I would eventually blaming myself for it. However, after reading your entry, it made me aware that this is all natural. There is nothing to be sorry of for having the breakdown. It is such a relieve to hear that.

    Love your blog. Love your writings. & tHanks for sharing your journey!

  41. Dr Halina..u ok lagi. ada suami disisi..macam i ni, weekend husband n wife..sorang2 jaga anak..setakat jadi zombie tu memang dah selalu..hehe..

  42. apa-apa pun u hav 2 be more sabarla…sabar kan mom selalu jugak kata mommy biarla penat asalkan my children okay..pengorbanan parents la yang children akan ingat sampai bila2..being a mother is the mom la yang cakap…so,sabarla doc…

  43. i know how u feel… i ve 5 children now…d youngest is 10 mths n i m maid at hme.. n i won’ t go anywhere without my chikdren n everyday i pray after solat that Allah will always protect my children as sometimes i ve only little time to check on their solat..needs n etc..

  44. I feel the same way. Sometimes. Like I’m losing myself. And I just have a 5 month old boy! Ha ha. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  45. baca semua comment kat sini teringat saya waktu membesarkan anak2…masa anak baru 2 org mmg selalu stress, badan jadi kurus kedengking, muka cengkung tak cukup tidor…takde masa nk memanjakan diri..bila anak dah 3 then 4 berulang lagi benda yg sama..tengah kerja kat office dapat call dari mak, anak no 2 kena fit..terkejar2 pulak keklinik..anak jatuh basikal, ada yg terjatuh masa pergi ke playground, terbelah lidah, yg patah tangan main bola & mcm2 lagi …pengalaman membesarkan anak memang cukup mencabar bagi seorang ibu…tapi saya bersyukur dapat melaluinya..kini anak2 saya dah besar2..puas rasa hati dh bagi semua kat mereka…pada ibu2 muda banyak bersabar kerana anak2 itu anugerah dari Allah…

  46. yup! can’t agree more. exercise does help! i do lots of running and even join the half marathon race. i’ll be delivering my third baby in next 3 weeks, have a break for a while before i continue my job as a mummy, a wife and a phd student. keep on praying, trust Him, do things with a sincere heart and tell Him that you and hubby need lots of help from Him. insyaallah He will grant your wish

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